Normally I can just start flowing with the words so I can just feel better to just have everything come out. I'm struggling with this today. I'm struggling with a lot of things lately. So this may all come out all over the place. Just a warning.
For the past year and a half I've been selfish and working on me. Made some great choices and also some pretty shitty ones. I try to find value in every situation because I believe that things happen for a reason...and one day I will figure out why. At least I hope so anyways.
So I've changed. A lot. On the outside...and on the inside. I stare in the mirror to see a stranger and when I try to to think the way I used to, then it comes out differently.Basically I'm a mess. I'm lost in my head and my heart.
Awhile back I wrote once about "What if?" moments...so I'm going to bring up again. This time from a different viewpoint. Before I used to wonder how my future would be if I took certain situations in a different path. I should know better. I have my faults and have my mistakes. I don't regret ANYTHING.
Each day we are given we should live to our fullest. Gotta quit pretending that we will have a tomorrow guaranteed to us. I've had a lot of great things happen. I've had a lot of bad ones too. Every bit of that makes me who I am today. I can't be that person 15 years ago now.
I know one thing for sure. If I have a tomorrow, no one will walk over me. No one will control me. No one will question my intelligence and no one will crush me the way they have lately. I don't deserve it. So if you feel the need to think you can cloud my day...think again. I maybe all xanax up with moments of alcohol intake, but I pay attention. You can't mess with me anymore. You want to hurt me when all I've done was to be good to you? Then be prepared for me to fuck up your life. Plain and simple. I'm done crying. I'm done being told what I should feel or how I should act and what I should do. Years and years of mental abuse almost broke me, but I'm not letting it anymore.
I will try to work on things. I will put everything and anything into something that I feel that is worth it. I want the big happy family, a happy marriage, and great friends to share my life with. I know that one day I will be even more successful then I am now because I haven't given up on me yet. I want this...so I will work for it.
If there are those of you that want to challenge me...fine. I'm up for it. I'm just not ignorant so be prepared for the retaliation.I'm not playing nice anymore with people that don't value me as I do them. So this goes for family, friends, and complete strangers. I'm not going to shut down anymore.
Just so you know....I mean "You" as a generalization. Not calling anyone in particular out. Apparently anymore I need a disclaimer because everyone seems to think that I'm talking bad about them personally. I'm not. I've been fucked over by my own blood before so.....again. Just a generalization.
For the past year and a half I've been selfish and working on me. Made some great choices and also some pretty shitty ones. I try to find value in every situation because I believe that things happen for a reason...and one day I will figure out why. At least I hope so anyways.
So I've changed. A lot. On the outside...and on the inside. I stare in the mirror to see a stranger and when I try to to think the way I used to, then it comes out differently.Basically I'm a mess. I'm lost in my head and my heart.
Awhile back I wrote once about "What if?" moments...so I'm going to bring up again. This time from a different viewpoint. Before I used to wonder how my future would be if I took certain situations in a different path. I should know better. I have my faults and have my mistakes. I don't regret ANYTHING.
Each day we are given we should live to our fullest. Gotta quit pretending that we will have a tomorrow guaranteed to us. I've had a lot of great things happen. I've had a lot of bad ones too. Every bit of that makes me who I am today. I can't be that person 15 years ago now.
I know one thing for sure. If I have a tomorrow, no one will walk over me. No one will control me. No one will question my intelligence and no one will crush me the way they have lately. I don't deserve it. So if you feel the need to think you can cloud my day...think again. I maybe all xanax up with moments of alcohol intake, but I pay attention. You can't mess with me anymore. You want to hurt me when all I've done was to be good to you? Then be prepared for me to fuck up your life. Plain and simple. I'm done crying. I'm done being told what I should feel or how I should act and what I should do. Years and years of mental abuse almost broke me, but I'm not letting it anymore.
I will try to work on things. I will put everything and anything into something that I feel that is worth it. I want the big happy family, a happy marriage, and great friends to share my life with. I know that one day I will be even more successful then I am now because I haven't given up on me yet. I want this...so I will work for it.
If there are those of you that want to challenge me...fine. I'm up for it. I'm just not ignorant so be prepared for the retaliation.I'm not playing nice anymore with people that don't value me as I do them. So this goes for family, friends, and complete strangers. I'm not going to shut down anymore.
Just so you know....I mean "You" as a generalization. Not calling anyone in particular out. Apparently anymore I need a disclaimer because everyone seems to think that I'm talking bad about them personally. I'm not. I've been fucked over by my own blood before so.....again. Just a generalization.
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