All over the damn place....

So apparently I lost my tomboy roots. I think they are still there but maybe I upscaled it a bit. ;) Its been a long time that I could just go out and do things for me,. Either I wasn't allowed or when the opportunity arose, I would just use what money I had and spent it on my kiddos. You get sucked into being selfless as a mother and lose the selfishness. This in fact is a good thing though. Many women out there that don't have that inter-change in their head of litterally giving up their life for their child usually fail as a parent.
I'm not saying I'm the best mom out there....I just know I'm a lot better then some people. Its like an click in your brain. The minute your lay eyes on your newborn baby it should happen. You should immediately be able to sacrifice anything and everything for the child. If you have hesitation then you have issues.
I'm getting so sick and tired of turning on the news and here these tragic stories of child abuse and murder. Women leaving their precious babies with "new" boyfriends and come home to find their child dead and are confused on why on earth that would happen to them. Just because you were dumb enough to let him get it in, doesn't mean he could be valued as someone that could instantly fall in love with your child like you did. You have that love, then you'll be protected.
I still to this day only have a short list of people that have ever cared for my children.. It takes a lot of work and stress to know you have the right person there for your loved ones. Its hard and I have missed out on a lot of opportunities because of a lack of a sitter. But there is that sacrifice again. I may love this person dearly but if I have at all any hesitation then its not happening,. I don't ever want that phone call that something happened. Especially when the one time that I did hire a private sitter that came with a 1000 references, passed a FBI background check....sexually assaulted one of kids. Unfortunately I couldn't have her arrested. Not enough evidence. All I could do at the time was file a report, notify the other parents that used her services and that was it. Sad isn't it. I reflect back on it all the time. I wasn't there to protect my child and I put her in that situation. Its rough. We make mistakes. I just know now that I would never bring in a stranger again. I couldn't do it,.

I also look around on facebook and read about these girls that are pregnant and still doing stupid shit. Whats the point of a 7 month prego lady going to a kegger??? Thats classy....good call there mama. Oh and hearing about these chicks that drink alcohol and use drugs during their pregnancy. Sickening.....Obviously they are extremely uneducated. If your still using drugs, you probably didn't mean to even get pregnant in the first place. You may not even know what birth control is or condoms. So now you have this uneducated person, using drugs, and bringing a new life in this world. Its 9 months too. Its not like your going to be knocked up for two years...its 9 fucking months. You seriously can't go without drugs and alcohol that long??? You pass that point and give up that baby to someone that can't have kids. Someone that will care for that baby that you obviously can't even do with it in your belly. This just frustrates me so.

I guess maybe this is why I have so much disgust for an old friend of mine. She chose drugs over her kids. These amazing kids lose out on a mom that I knew once to be an awesome person. When she lost them....I did too. My heart breaks for those kids. My whole body hates my once friend. I understand addiction...I really do and I am getting sick and tired of people that are labeled addicts telling me that I don't. They lost focused on reality. Perception too.  Just because your an addict, doesn't mean that all your bad behavior that stems from it is okay. My friend is an addict. She will be labeled that for the rest of her life. She is also a failure of being a parent. Which label is worse? You ask her...she would say being an addict. Which is sad. Being a parent is a gift. Not everyone gets that gift. Then you fuck it up and all you can say is that well..."I'm an addict. Thats what I get". Bullshit.

Geez...I just blabbed on all over the place. I was trying to get to the point to just saying I've turned into a high maintenance chick. lol One of my friends actually last night said I was. I thought it was funny. I once was the chick that lived in a tshirt, comfy pants and flip flops. Now I'm with my hair did, nails did, makeup perfectly distributed, tan, blinged out, dressed to the T in designer wear and oh....super duper awesomer....lol.

PS...if I spelled something wrong, who cares. ;P

Lets talk about sex....well its not all about sex.

Okay yes I typically bitch about how not fantastic my life is. But today I have something to address. Something very specific and pretty much going to be the most useful information that a couple or a marriage absolutely needs to know about.
So...what are the fundamentals of a strong relationship? You need no issues with money, have effective communication and a great sexual relationship. Those are the core strong ones...but because its my blog and and all about me, I would also like to add another possible importance. That would be religion.

Okay...so lets start with usually the biggest issue. Communication. Guess what. Everyone sucks at it. Well...except me...but anyways you need to have effective communication. You expect it from your friends, your family, hell even at work so why do you have dance around your personal relationship with partner? If your woman asked you if she looked fat in a dress...well lets picture this first. Size 4 dress on a size 18 chick...then what would your respond? I bet you a 100 bucks your going say something like," Oh baby your beautiful." Shut the fuck up. Your really a douchebag. Here you are going to let this poor girl go out in public because she heard you say that she was beautiful. So now you have a bigger issue to deal with. Why is it so hard to say..."um sweetie, that dress just isn't your thing. Put on my favorite black dress..its better." Now guys did you get all that? Not only did you answer the question...you in a way effectively communicated with your woman. You made her WANT to put the other dress on versus being stuck answering a question that if you said yes to where you would most likely are getting slapped. Girls...you drive me nuts too. You CONTROL everything. Its really ridiculous. You almost formulate your man to not talk to you appropriately because you flip out on pretty much everything. Its not fair to them. Your going to get to the point of not even know really whats going on in their heads anymore because you have set a path for them to think and to speak. Nice job.
Lets see...whats next. Oh yes. The fun topic. SEX. You absolutely have to have a great sex life with your partner. No ifs and or buts...well you need butts...what? You really do.  Anyways, I'm not talking this mechanical type of setup. For instance, if you know that Mondays and Tuesdays and Fridays are the days your allowed to tap that ass then this isn't a good formulation. You should actually want to be able to have sex with your partner any second and at any moment of the day. The days you should be looking at is the ones you actually fought the urge to actually have sex. If your having personal issues or what not with the whole sex thing well go get some help from a doc...or lets put the communication in here: Talk with your partner. Change positions. Find something that works so you get to enjoy every ounce of amazingness that sex is and supposed to be. Not having sex just leads to built of regular frustration and sexual frustration. Your plugging the tea kettle. You should never plug it. That shit will explode in nothing good and a lot of people could get hurt. Just saying........
I do have two other issues to address like I said in the begining, but I just saw the time so I kinda need put a pause here. So...I will continue on hopefully tomorrow. Until then...think about what I've talked about so far. You work it all out with your partner then you should be pretty happy. ;) 

To live or not to

When you hear of someone commiting suicide what do you think of them? If you knew ways to prevent it, would you have the strength and power to step in?

Depression is something that everyone at one point deals with. We are not built right in life to handle everything that comes our way appropriately. When something goes wrong we drain on ourselves as failures. It doesn't help when everything starts turning against you. Your powerless and the thought of being good again is not even existence.

I'm a firm believer in medications and therapy. How else are you supposed to change mind over matter? Once you create a feeling or a thought, your perception becomes limited unless proven wrong. Try changing a depressed person.

I've had my moments before. I've had everything I thought at the time be so devastating that even I took a whole bottle of pills and held a gun in my hand. Disgusting isn't? It is to me now of course. I let my limited perception about to get the best of me. I'm obviously fine now, this was very many years ago...but I guess it felt needed to be known. I don't wrap myself to be an expert. I just know that I know how it feels. I truly do. Life is hard. Plain and simple. I was lucky enough to be hit by what life is to me to value it again. Most people don't get that.

So back to my question....if you knew that someone was so lost that they were on the verge of just giving up on everything, what would you do? The warning signs are there. People say all the time that they didn't have a clue, but in all reality there was something. It takes one person to step in. I takes one occurrence to make a difference. I don't care if you even like the person, if you saw it what would you do? 

When I used to have a bad day and was just pissed off at everything, I would be at work and just happen to walk through the SICU (Surgical Intensive Care Unit) or the MICU (Medical Intensive Care Unit). Then...it hits me. These people are having a bad day...not me. We get so angry at the world and forget what we were given to appreciate. It frustrates me that there is person out there right now lost when there is so much worse things out there. You think you have it bad? Well someone is dealing with something worse.

I guess I really don't have too much of a point here. Maybe I'm a little lost myself tonight. I just know if I could help someone I would. The only thing is, that I have no clue on how to help. In my situation I guess its even more frustrating since I know this person so well that I know they have something. Many things to actually be a purpose but they refused that they were even purposeful.

So I guess if you have any advice then give it. If you don't...well thats okay too. Lastly...just because it is a blog in all, if you have suicidal thoughts or tendencies please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.