Prison and Dumbasses........

You live....you learn.....you grow....right??? That's the way things are supposed to work anyways. Why on earth would somebody do the same stupid thing twice?? Its not like the whole cause and affect method would be different. Yet dumbasses are still out there making the same mistakes over and over again. Some of these dumbasses are your friends. Yep. You know you have one. That one friend that you just love to death and can't get rid of or walk out on because they are as dumb as shit and they NEED you. My friend though isn't just a mess up with small stuff....its big things too.

I've always been at a loss my whole friendship with this girl. Even when I tried to intervene and tell her what's up she would NEVER listen. You would think I would stop wasting my breathe...but I didn't. I still tried to help. For 15 years I tried to help this girl and I don't think she ever listened to me. So now you can see on why now i finally struggle with even wanting to help. This time though it really isn't help that is being asked of me. Its just being there and promising not to go anywhere. Luckily I have time to process this. She's in prison so its easier.

She became mad at me for not allowing her to call. So I made it clear in a letter the reason why. I mean what do you say to someone that is in prison? "Hey...how's your day going? How's your cellmate? Did you get hit on today during mealtime?? Did you get time in the yard??" ya....not something I would ever want to partake in for sure. The last thing I want to say to my kids is, "Shhh...Mommy is trying to call the Prison"...Maybe its wrong to think this way but I would think making a phone call in prison wouldn't be fair. Here you are in prison for mistakes that you made that you chose to do even with the regards that knowing your actions could place you in jail in the first place. Calling someone is a luxury....right? You shouldn't be allowed to know whats going on in the outside world. You shouldn't be allowed to know the gossip and who is dating who and who wore what and all the jazz.

Jail I thought is supposed to be the place where you loose your rights because you abused the ones you did have. Its almost like we take people, send them to jail (room and board, exercise, food, tv, shopping, internet, face-to-face visits and phone calls) and give them a better life then what they had in the first place. Jail is just a whole new world full of crazy people that don't have to work their asses off to pay for the roof over their head, pay for the food that goes on their table and take care of a family. It almost seems like an easier life. You really don't have any responsibilities but to not get raped in the shower right???  I could be the naive and ignorant person and not know what I'm talking about. I mean I never experienced it. Plus I never will. Then I think who is the naive one? Especially when I'm reading this last letter from her I have saying that "this place really isn't bad at all."

I have a few months still to figure what I want to do with her. Plus she knows already how I feel so if your reading this and have pin pointed on who I'm talking about and want to go run your mouth....don't because it won't make a difference. Luckily I know I'm dealing with a complete "sober" person with the letters.....but over all the time of being disappointed over and over again, I just can't help to question if I should be there for her when she gets out.

So I've lived....I learned about her......so which way should I grow????