I should live the life of not being surprised of the unexpected. It swings its ugly head at me every chance it gets. Not only is it the unexpected, but it sucks. It freaking sucks. Life is hard...I get it. Believe me I do. I've always tried to look at the glass half full instead of half empty. I've been appreciative of the success I've achieved so far and hopeful for the future. Anymore it almost seems like a waste of time. It seems like any situation anymore can turn to be the worst thing either for me or my family or hell even for someone else.
How do you lift your head from defeat? How do you hang a white flag to surrender for someone to know? Why is it that no matter how hard I try to be the best that I can be...I fail...and miserably.
Maybe my first tattoo should be on my forehead and say "shit on me...everyone else does". Maybe then someone would actually reconsider of sucking whatever goodness is left of me from me. See...there I go being optimistic again. Even in a shitty situation. I can't change. I can't change my outlook on things and I wish I could. I could sit here for hours raging on what I want...how I want to get it...how I wish for things to no end. Maybe now my exhaustion level has hit a new high. I don't know.I'm a mess.
One thing though I could definitely go without is just making a decision. A decision that will not only affect me...but everyone else around me. Life changing.... I think this maybe the only time I would beg to be controlled. Be told what to do so the affects of the decision couldn't be blamed on me when they falter. Yet I still feel like the bad person. I don't want to be that person that keeps making the worst decision after the worst. Yet that is what it is. Right now I'm lost and when I thought I made a decision on what to do...its wrong. I just can't win. I can't even say sorry because there is no value to it.
So here is me. I got nothing.
How do you lift your head from defeat? How do you hang a white flag to surrender for someone to know? Why is it that no matter how hard I try to be the best that I can be...I fail...and miserably.
Maybe my first tattoo should be on my forehead and say "shit on me...everyone else does". Maybe then someone would actually reconsider of sucking whatever goodness is left of me from me. See...there I go being optimistic again. Even in a shitty situation. I can't change. I can't change my outlook on things and I wish I could. I could sit here for hours raging on what I want...how I want to get it...how I wish for things to no end. Maybe now my exhaustion level has hit a new high. I don't know.I'm a mess.
One thing though I could definitely go without is just making a decision. A decision that will not only affect me...but everyone else around me. Life changing.... I think this maybe the only time I would beg to be controlled. Be told what to do so the affects of the decision couldn't be blamed on me when they falter. Yet I still feel like the bad person. I don't want to be that person that keeps making the worst decision after the worst. Yet that is what it is. Right now I'm lost and when I thought I made a decision on what to do...its wrong. I just can't win. I can't even say sorry because there is no value to it.
So here is me. I got nothing.
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