How far would you go to hurt someone? People make mistakes all the time. Especially without thinking of the how their actions would affect another....especially with the impression to hurt them intentionally. Its so easy to get wrapped up in your own world that you don't see how it affects others. Then there are those that abuse the small bit of power they think they own and bully someone just because they think that they can. I don't get the purpose of it. Does someone actually enjoy taking everything they know and everything that they have to just destroy someone? How much hate do you need to do that?
I've always only "hated" one person in my life. I have reason for it. I have reason's to justify it. Hate is a powerful word, at least for me. Do I hate my once best friend from childhood for all the damage and drama she brought in my life? No. But I don't like her. I don't want anything more to do with her. I know though I don't hate her. I'm just done with the disappointment and hurt.
I haven't said anything for awhile for good reason.I've been dealing with a lot of disappointment and now anger. Each day passing there is something new. I have a person that seems to take every chance they get to denigrate me. Yet I have to be the one to keep my mouth shut about it. I'm being told my value of connections with people isn't what it is and how much I'm forgotten but yet I'm still being spoken of.
A lot has happened in the past month. The recoil of the events of a few days are just consistently flapping in front of me because the people that do know want to make it about them. Nobody really knows exactly what has happened except two people. One person is running a muck saying whatever to make them look better why the other is hanging their head in shame not saying anything.
Ever had someone recommend for you to read a book? They said it was moving and inspirational so your all excited and you read it. You feel nothing like what they did. It was the same book. You turned the pages just like they did. That is the thing. That's the concept of relationships. People get along with one another or associate differently with a person in ways that you just can't relate to even though that they are the same person. An outsider will never get it. Don't really get why they have to see the reason why you want or choose to be friends with someone. What does it matter?
Relationships occur between two people. Just TWO. Whether its a friendship, work, or just a person you can relate to on somethings....its still a relationship that is just between those two. From the outside another may not get the purpose...let alone understand it, but isn't that the point? I've heard from time to time on people questioning me on why I have some people in my life. They don't see the connection. Its not like I'm telling them to become friends with them or get to know them and I will not sit around trying to explain why I'm friends with them either but again...whats it matter to you who I am and not friends with and the reason for it? Then you have this: .if a friendship/relationship fails between someone and I, do not blame me for you failed friendship/relationship. I can see where it may be awkward or what not because of things are no good on my end, but directing the blame of your failures to me is not okay because you made the relationship that failed with me affect your relationship with them. I'm responsible for me. Not you. Not even others. I never denied my fuck-ups. I owned up to them. But I will not take responsibility for your choices and your personal relationships. Nope...not happening. So be pissed or whatever.
There is so much going right now. I can't hit every point because realistically I can't process it all. I can't even handle the good things right now. Every outlet I have unfortunately can't change my mistakes, my feelings, let alone my first regret I have ever had. My relationship with my family has been challenged and stressed beyond the limits. My friendships with people apparently are fake and annoyances. I have people I don't even know passing judgment on me.
Just when I thought I had hit the lowest point I ever could in my life I get hit with something that just made everything worse today. Something far and beyond worse. Like a tornado just mixed up the container store and gave everything a new lid that doesn't fit and will never work kind of bad. The fucked up thing is that the people that I thought that would have ran away by now are still there. Holding my hand even. I don't think I deserve it but I'm not going to push away from them.
Everything in life is a choice. Consequences for everything. Even the good decisions you make. This is when morality levels slips in. So would I go out and personally hurt someone? Would I get enjoyment out of it? No. Having the power to is hard to deal with as it is. So now I'm stuck with "now what". I'm mentally incapable of processing all of this right now. I know that. I do know though I'm sick of being the only on the dart board feeling pain.
I've always only "hated" one person in my life. I have reason for it. I have reason's to justify it. Hate is a powerful word, at least for me. Do I hate my once best friend from childhood for all the damage and drama she brought in my life? No. But I don't like her. I don't want anything more to do with her. I know though I don't hate her. I'm just done with the disappointment and hurt.
I haven't said anything for awhile for good reason.I've been dealing with a lot of disappointment and now anger. Each day passing there is something new. I have a person that seems to take every chance they get to denigrate me. Yet I have to be the one to keep my mouth shut about it. I'm being told my value of connections with people isn't what it is and how much I'm forgotten but yet I'm still being spoken of.
A lot has happened in the past month. The recoil of the events of a few days are just consistently flapping in front of me because the people that do know want to make it about them. Nobody really knows exactly what has happened except two people. One person is running a muck saying whatever to make them look better why the other is hanging their head in shame not saying anything.
Ever had someone recommend for you to read a book? They said it was moving and inspirational so your all excited and you read it. You feel nothing like what they did. It was the same book. You turned the pages just like they did. That is the thing. That's the concept of relationships. People get along with one another or associate differently with a person in ways that you just can't relate to even though that they are the same person. An outsider will never get it. Don't really get why they have to see the reason why you want or choose to be friends with someone. What does it matter?
Relationships occur between two people. Just TWO. Whether its a friendship, work, or just a person you can relate to on somethings....its still a relationship that is just between those two. From the outside another may not get the purpose...let alone understand it, but isn't that the point? I've heard from time to time on people questioning me on why I have some people in my life. They don't see the connection. Its not like I'm telling them to become friends with them or get to know them and I will not sit around trying to explain why I'm friends with them either but again...whats it matter to you who I am and not friends with and the reason for it? Then you have this: .if a friendship/relationship fails between someone and I, do not blame me for you failed friendship/relationship. I can see where it may be awkward or what not because of things are no good on my end, but directing the blame of your failures to me is not okay because you made the relationship that failed with me affect your relationship with them. I'm responsible for me. Not you. Not even others. I never denied my fuck-ups. I owned up to them. But I will not take responsibility for your choices and your personal relationships. Nope...not happening. So be pissed or whatever.
There is so much going right now. I can't hit every point because realistically I can't process it all. I can't even handle the good things right now. Every outlet I have unfortunately can't change my mistakes, my feelings, let alone my first regret I have ever had. My relationship with my family has been challenged and stressed beyond the limits. My friendships with people apparently are fake and annoyances. I have people I don't even know passing judgment on me.
Just when I thought I had hit the lowest point I ever could in my life I get hit with something that just made everything worse today. Something far and beyond worse. Like a tornado just mixed up the container store and gave everything a new lid that doesn't fit and will never work kind of bad. The fucked up thing is that the people that I thought that would have ran away by now are still there. Holding my hand even. I don't think I deserve it but I'm not going to push away from them.
Everything in life is a choice. Consequences for everything. Even the good decisions you make. This is when morality levels slips in. So would I go out and personally hurt someone? Would I get enjoyment out of it? No. Having the power to is hard to deal with as it is. So now I'm stuck with "now what". I'm mentally incapable of processing all of this right now. I know that. I do know though I'm sick of being the only on the dart board feeling pain.
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